Man in a kilt
by noo
Summary: Jack is scared, Ianto is jealous and Gwen goes hee, plus there is a strange man in a kilt in the Hub...


"Jack!" Ianto called from the main area of the Hub.

Jack distractedly put down the papers he had been looking at on the desk. He didn't glance out the round window as he normally would as he headed towards his door. He was still glancing back towards the paperwork once he reached the open doorway. As he turned his head towards Ianto he noticed the stance and perplexed look on the young mans face. He was standing staring at the screen with his hands on his hips, drawing his jacket up and away from his torso.

Ianto turned his head towards Jack when he felt his presence in the doorway.

"Jack, why is there a man in a kilt standing outside the tourist office saying he has an appointment with you?" he asked.

"Huh?" Jack responded.

Ianto pointed at the screen. "See, man in kilt. He just told me that he had an appointment with you."

Jack descended to the lower level by swinging his legs down in one quick motion while grasping the two metal handrails. He took two long strides to bring himself next to Ianto and look at the image on the screen. There was indeed a man in a kilt standing in front of the tourist office door. Jack leant forward to activate the intercom.

"Captain Jack Harkness here, and you are?" He queried.

"James Tatter. You rang earlier about an infestation." Came back the crackling reply through the old intercom system.

"Yeah I did. Come on in. I'll send my assistant up to bring you down." Jack smiled and turned to Ianto. "Well, go get the man." He informed the incredulous man standing before him.

"Jack," Ianto started to query, but Jack just shooed his words away with a wave of his arm as he turned back towards his office.

"Bring the man down Ianto." He ordered again as he disappeared into his office.

Ianto sighed and shook his head as he turned towards the Cog door, the claxons blaring as they recognised his presence and started to open the gates automatically.

"James, nice to meet you." Jack boomed in the hearty voice of his he used when first meeting people. Hand extended and clasped in another strong grip. "Oh, I like you." Jack murmured feeling that sure grip.

"Jack." Warned Ianto.

"C'mon down to my lair and see my big problem." Jack claimed as he turned and walked around down the steps towards the small, darkened alcove that led down to the Archives. The two men in odd clothing left behind, in the generous space, a very confused bespoke suited man.

"So can you fix it?" Jack asked as he waited nervously by the door. His eyes darting back and forth, searching the gloomy corners of the large room, looking out for the horror that had sent him scurrying back up to his office earlier that day. It was something he wanted solved and solved as soon as possible.

"Found them." Jack heard the cry from a far corner. He could see a torchlight swing upwards from the floor to the low overhanging ceiling. Jack's eyes followed closely the movement of that light. The light flickered off and footsteps echoed off the metal cabinets as the man, James, headed towards the desk by the door and the box open upon that desk. He lifted out a small container with a spray nozzle and a little plug in device.

"Some nasty _Pholcus phalangioides_ it seems you have." He announced to Jack as he checked the level of liquid in the container. Jack missed the slightly cheeky smile that spread over the other man's face, as he was too busy looking around for the creatures. Just in case they had managed to run from the far corner where James had been.

James smiled some more as he headed back towards the corner where the small group of long legged cellar spiders had made their home amongst some cardboard boxes in the damp room three floors down from underneath that odd space with the water tower under the ground. A job, was a job and even though these spiders were harmless, the solid man clinging to the door frame, was a nervous wreck. So he sprayed the area around the boxes and set up the emitter to scare away any newcomers that decided to venture down into the damp in the power socket he had noticed earlier. He laughed quietly as he thought of the good story he now thought he had to tell his workmates over a quiet cuppa later.

"All done." He announced as he headed back towards the doorway and the scared American. "The emitter will keep any other creepy crawlies away who decided to come on down." He smiled at the other man as he placed the container back into his carry case and stripped off the rubber gloves. "Right paperwork time." He said as he folded the gloves neatly into their holder.

"Better done upstairs in my office." Jack straightened away from the doorframe he had been gripping tightly. "I'm sure you will welcome some refreshment anyway." Jack smiled at him as he backed into the corridor out of the Archive room.

Ianto was idly tapping away on the keyboard, looking at nothing in particular, resisting the urge to tap into the CCTV footage for the Hub to find out what Jack and man in a kilt were doing down in his Archives. He started to type in the commands to bring up the footage when the blaring of the claxons made him jump in surprise.

Gwen entered the room purposefully, a folder tucked under her arm.

"Ianto, I have an appointment set up for tomorrow at 11am. End of the world happen while I was out?" She asked.

"No, well maybe, I dunno." Ianto responded.

Gwen stopped and turned towards her friend at his unsure response.

"Well, we still seem to be here, so I think it might be a no." Gwen noted that Ianto hadn't turned towards her to speak, but was concentrating on the screen in front of him. The screen had nothing of real relevance on it that she could see as she glanced over his shoulder, apart from an open screen that she recognised as the one to bring up cctv image within the Hub.

"Where's Jack?" she asked as she noted the lack of the Captain's presence.

Before Ianto could answer, Jack's boisterous laugh could be heard coming from the doorway to the levels below. She moved away from Ianto and further into the room so she could see around the Rift Machine and the Water Tower to await her boss' entrance. He was proceeded by a man carrying a small tool kit type case, pale and dark green in colour and slightly battered. But what was even more confusing to her was the man's dress. He was in a kilt.

"Gwen, welcome back." Jack exclaimed happily at the sight of another of his confused employees. He gestured up towards his office for the other man. "Paper work time always makes me thirsty. I'm sure you would appreciate a nice cup of coffee after all that hard work. Ianto here makes the best in all of Wales, at least."

"Oh coffee is not my thing, could murder a cup of tea though?" The other man asked as he turned back from the steps leading up to Jack's office. Jack glanced towards Ianto, knowing that there would be a slight look of horror upon the young man's face.

"Tea it is then. Ianto will you bring Mr James Tatter a nice cup of tea while we finalise the paper work?"

Gwen stood in shock as Ianto brushed past her, heading towards his area and his beloved machine, muttering under his breath about "flirting Americans, silly men in kilts and laced tea maybe for both of them."

"Why was he wearing a kilt?" Gwen asked as she slouched back on the couch.

"Buggered if I know." Was the quiet response from her teammate, also relaxed on the same couch with loose-limbed grace next to her.

"Later, Ianto, later." Jack waggled his eyebrows at his lover, sprawled on the couch, as he jumped up the stairs onto the landing and headed towards his office. Jack had programmed the Cog door to stay open while he escorted the pest exterminator back up to the Bay.

Gwen obviously took much delight in Jack's comment as the noise she made around her hands that were clasped over her mouth in delight at the teasing, could only be described as a girlish giggle of the "hee" variety.

Jack missed the look of contemplation on the young man's visage, musing on the new information he had about Jack's loathing of eight legged creatures, as he bounded back into his office towards his thirst making paper work.

"Some things are just meant to remain a mystery." Jack's American flat twang called out to them from his office.


End file.
